Her voice on the phone is hesitant, trembling, and I do not know her. I do not ask her name.
I read your website, she tells me, and I knew I could talk to you, that you understand DID. I hear her shaking. DID is dissociative identity disorder, what used to be called multiple personalities.
My website is supposed to be an introduction to my unpublished book, my own experience through DID.
She tells me how her “parts” won’t go away, they keep getting triggered no matter how she tries to get rid of them. I hear her fear. I recall how terrorized I was by my own “parts”.
I know what it is to feel invaded by multiple personalities, or “parts”.
Please, she says, will you tell me if the “parts” ever go away?
I pause at how complicated that question is, before I say the terror does go away but your “parts” will always be with you—what happens with therapy is that they change. They won’t terrorize you anymore. You’ll be able to hold them close, to protect them—this takes a long time.
Some things become fully known only when said aloud, even to ourselves.