Amid the dream of impassioned delusions where I met my harrowing vision of fear and loss; that my soul was cast upon the sea of chaos. No stillness in waters as I was plunged to the great abyss of nothingness embossed. Gasping for breath not from fear of death or drowning; but from the loss of self.
If fear could have a master this was fear’s principal. I was in the midst of an awakening in the middle of a dream, but not just a dream, but a dream within a dream; I awakened to this caster of evil as I seemed facing an understanding, a knowledge, a full awareness that I did not exist.
The blackened sea of terror, closed all around me. I was in a nightmare that made falling seem like fun. I had no ability to fly, no control, only loss of self; a knowledge beyond death to a nothingness within. Drawn into the emptiness of the Black hole; God’s eternal formless void.
There was no faith, no Scripture remembered, nothing to hold because all that I knew was naught; the only thing to hold was the fear. In the midst of this formless nothing there was no I, no me, nothing but my fear and a terror beyond anything I have ever felt. Death would have been better, hell would have been a place but this nothing was worst. How could I escape? It was where I was and I wasn’t there? Then I woke up to a dream. In this dream I was caught in the paradox of wanting to return to the void and yet afraid of the terror that I would return. Finally I awoke to the reality of my bed, still gasping for air, afraid to go to sleep again and knowing it would be something I had to do again.
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