JOHN (“JAKE”) COSMOS ALLER is a novelist, poet, and former Foreign Service officer having served 27 years with the U.S. State Department in ten countries – Antigua, Barbados, Dominica, Grenada, Korea, India, St Kitts, St Lucia, St Vincent, Spain, and Thailand. and traveled to 45 countries during his career. Jake has been an aspiring novelist for several years and has completed two novels, (Giant Nazi Spiders, and the Great Divorce) and is pursuing publication. He has been writing poetry all his life and has published his poetry in electronic poetry forums, including All Poetry, Moon Café, and Duane’s Poetree. (under the name Jake Lee). He is looking forward to transitioning to his third career – full-time novelist and poet after completing his second career as a Foreign Service officer, and his first career as an educator overseas for six years upon completion of his Peace Corps service in South Korea.
April 1 Berkeley California
Growing up in the 60’s
In Berkeley almost 50 years ago
I think back
At those turbulent times
Those crazy wonderful times
Berkeley is a wonderful place
In many ways
Stuck forever in 1967
A true time travel experience
Every time I go back
And relive the memories
Of the 60’s
The 60’s never died
They continue
In college towns
Across the world
And Berkeley
Remains the mecca
Of the counter cultural revolution
Many things have changed
But the organic food revolution
Became mainstream
Marijuana spread out
The sexual revolution
Became mainstream
So much of the world
Is but a reflection
Of the revolution of the 60’s
And the conservative counter-revolution
That we are still fighting
So, I salute
My homeland
Berkeley
The center of my universe
—
April 2 Lithia Springs
Staying at Lithia Springs
Soaking in the healing waters
Soaking my pains away
Renewing my life
Renewing my love
As we both soak away
As the pain of life go away
And our love grows
With each soaking session
Life is good
At the hot springs water
Sooths us and smooth us
And we fall in love
Again and again
—
April 3 Walls
Trump wants a wall
Between America and Mexico
A wall against the southern hordes
A wall based on fear and hate
A wall to make America safe
A wall to make America great again
And yet I wonder
Will his wall fall
Like the Berlin wall
And the great wall
And all the other walls
They all failed
All of them
Walls divide us
Walls make us
Into different tribes
Between the pure
And the impure
St Reagan
Said Tear Down this Wall
Will future Presidents
Tear down this begotten wall
Or will it become a tourist attraction
Another great wall
Against barbarian hordes
—
April 4 Changes
I reflect upon my life
As the sun comes up
What could I have changed
What would I have changed
If I could go back in time
What would I tell my earlier self
What would I do differently
And what have I learned
The one thing
that I would not have changed
is meeting the women of my dreams
the chance meeting on a bus
that changed everything
in a moment
I met my fate
That day on the bus
And that is the end of the story
—
April 5 Facing Life’s Challenges Together
Woke up at 0 dark hundred
Vowing to boldly go forth
And face the challenges of the future
Without fear
Knowing that I have you there
Makes all the difference in the world
As we meet our fate
Together
Until the day we die
—
April 6 Wagontire, Oregon
1973
In 1973, I went on a road trip
With my father
We left Berkeley to go to Yakima
Where my father had a summer cabin
He was a college professor
And had July and August off
And we spent the summers
Every summer from 1968 to 1978
Our whole dysfunctional family
Our annual road trip to hell and back
As we did not get along at all
We decided to drive through Eastern Oregon
Just my father and me
Just for the hell of it
The rest of the family was already there
My father and I shared a travel lust
One of the few things we shared
This was one of our best trips
We got along
Which was unusual
Normally our relationship
Was fraught
As we were so different
We left Klamath Falls
A real nothing burg in those days
And headed east along highway 395
As we entered the desert of eastern Oregon
We entered a different world
High mountain dessert
Almost no one on the road
Then we saw the sign
Wagontire Oregon
100 miles ahead
99 miles ahead
98 miles ahead
We counted down the signs
Miles after miles
As we drove into the gathering dusk
We speculated that Wagontire
Must be a giant truck stop
In the middle of no where
We pulled into the town
Nothing there but a gas station
Motel and café
We decided to stop
Last gas for 100 miles
According to the highway signs
In the morning
We chatted with the owner
He was the sheriff, the fire chief
The owner of the motel, gas station
The only business in town
And the only place open
For one hundred miles
I noticed a highway sign outside
Welcome to Wagontire, Oregon
Population 2 ½ humans 10 dogs, 50.000 sheep
I asked the Sherriff
Say who is the ½ human?
My idiot son!
And we left.
200 miles later
We finally left Eastern Oregon
2016
In 2016 my wife and I drove through Eastern Oregon
As part of our epic cross country trip
10,000 miles
31 states in three months
On the way from Medford to Yellowstone
We drove along highway 395
The signs for Wagontire was gone
And we drove through the town
The motel was abandoned
Nothing there at all
And that sign was gone too
I said I suppose the idiot son
Never took over the business
And we speculated about Wagontire
And all other nothing burgs
We drove through that summer
Heart of Trump’s America
True fly over country
—
April 7 Watching Cats Hunt
Early morning
Watching two white cats
Hunting a white dove
The cats hunt in pairs
Tracking the bird
The bird flies away
Safe for now
And I think about the cats
And the hunt goes on
Such is life
And the fate of cats
And birds
—
April 8 Landlord Blues
I am a landlord
Owner of property
Here there and elsewhere
Have been for years
I have tenants
and tenant issues galore
I receive rent from the tenants
it seems money grows on the proverbial tree
but at times
from time to time
I hate being a landlord
I suppose in my heart
I am a socialist with a blending heart
But my wife is comfortable as a landlord
She calls me a hypocrite
And a wild romantic goat
Born under the sign of the goat
And I call her a capitalist pig
Born under the sign of the golden pig
—
April 9 Pane e circus 2017 Redux
By order of his excellency
Emperor Donald the First
The merciful,
the Christian King of Kings
The Sultan of Sultans
The Emperor of North America
Be it hereby decreed
That the ancient honorable gladiator games
Of the old Roman Empire
Have been restored
Each city in the Empire will host a team
They will compete for the honor
Of the national championship
The games will start
With fighting animals
Fighting fish
Roosters
Cheetahs
Tiger
Bears
Wolves
And lions
Then a man lion contest
With a heretic thrown to the lions
If he or she lives
They will be pardoned
Then then main games
Six men/women teams compete
Armed with swords, knifes, mace, clubs
They fight until one man or women remains
The victor of the game
Those who are prisoners
Can compete for their freedom
And a full imperial pardon
Let the games begin
Long may the games reign
In the new North America Empire
Praise be to the Emperor
Donald the First
—
April 10 Long Live Emperor Donald the Ist
Ladies and Gentlemen
My fellow American citizens
Greetings and salutations
Today is a momentous day
The old corrupt USA republic is no more
The constitution that once protected us
Has been overthrown and violated
The barbarians at the gate
Have taken over
And ruined the once great land
The last hope of the world
And so, I had no choice
But to kill the old rotten regime
And restore American greatness
To save democracy
I must destroy it
And so, starting today
I will serve as the Emperor of North America
I welcome Canada and Mexico
And the Caribbean islands
To join The North American Empire
As we rebuild America
Restoring American greatness
And making us all proud again
Proud subjects of the New American Empire
May the Empire reign forever and a day
Triumphant against all enemies
And so, I take this burden
Sadly, but gladly
I will serve you
As your Empire
And my son Donald
Will serve as our second emperor
Once I pass from this world
His son will serve as the third emperor
And so on until the end of time
And we will reign in our new capitol city
Colorado Springs
Until the end of time
Washington will remain in our hearts
As the capitol of the old Republic
But the heirs of the Roman Empire
Need a new Imperial Capitol
And soon we will conquer Mars
And expand our Empire to the Starts
Long Live the Empire
Long Live America
Good night
And may God Bless
This great Empire
—
April 11 3 Am Nightmares
3 am
The bewitching hour
When the wild things come out
And play
And torture you
With endless wild accusations
And nightmarish visions
As I toss and turn
Trying to escape
I look over at my wife
And as always
Repeat the mantra
Everything will be alright
And the wild things are banished
To the dark corners of my mind
And I recover my happiness
And I smile
As I look at the sleeping beauty
Still the most beautiful women in the world
Still the most alluring women in the world
Still in love with her
After 35 years
The love gets stronger and stronger
As she overcomes my despair
And the sun comes up
And I think to myself
What a wonderful life I have
With the women of my dreams
—
April 12 Zombie Apocalypse
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
Everywhere zombies galore
The end of the world had become
And the zombification of the world had begun
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
No one knew when or where the first zombies appeared
One moment zombies were just a collective figment of our deranged imagination
The next moment we were all living in a zombie apocalypse nightmare
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
Some said the zombies were created in a lab
Released by mad scientists and the military
Others said it was plague sent by God himself
To punish mankind for tolerating evil and moral depravity
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
The Christians and Muslims prayed
But their prayers went unheard
As they too soon became zombies
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
The zombies hunted in packs
Overwhelming their victims
Killing most instantly
But some they simply bit
And turned them into fellow zombies
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
The zombies did not attack one another
They preferred living live flesh
Human flesh but they ate everything they saw
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
And so, I ran into the countryside
With my fellow humans
Hit out deep in the woods
Hiding from zombies
And crazed cannibal gangs alike
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
The world ended that day
And our nightmare world began
Zombies to the right of me
Zombies to the left of me
Zombies ahead of me
Zombies behind me
—
April 13 Spring Doositsu for Angela Poem a Thon
Waking up seeing you there
Watching you as you wake up
Fills me with such sweat desire
Overcoming my mind
I sit watching you all day
Thinking of you all day long
Wild erotic imaginings
Love making to come
That old blues song come to mind
I just want to make love to you
I just want to make love to you
Nothing more than that that
I end this morning with this thought
You are still the most wonderful
The most beautiful creature
In the whole universe
—
April 14 Love Jones
I got the Love Jones, baby
And it won’t leave me alone
I got the Love Jones, baby
And it won’t leave me alone
I’ve been writing these love poems
All day long
And I have been dreaming
Of all the ways, I could make love
To my secret lover
If only she will let me be
If only she will open her heart
And let me in
Perhaps the love Jones
Might leave me along
But I got the love Jones
Bad baby
Can’t you tell?
That the love Jones
Has grabbed my Soul
Twisted it up into little pieces
And I need you
To unravel the Love Jones
I need you to answer the call
Of the Love Jones Baby
I need you
To let me be free
Of the spell
Of the Love Jones
I got the Love Jones
Baby
I got it bad
And only you can
Put a stop to the love Jones
Baby
Let me enter your life
Put out the fire of desire
Send the Love Jones packing
And let me make sweat love to you
Oh, Love Jones
Go away
Let me be in peace
Love Jones
Leave me be
Baby
I got the love Jones
For you
Can’t you see?
What you do to me?
I got the Love Jones
Baby and it ain’t going away
Until I get to make love to you
Then perhaps this Love Jones
Will leave me be
Love Jones
—
April 15 Kim Vs. Trump Twitter War -in memorial of Kim Il Sung’s the Great Leader’s Birthday
President Kim, it is time that we cut the shit and cut a deal #Real Trump
President Trump, it is impossible for us to cut a deal unless you agree to me keeping nukes # Kim Jong-un the Great
President Kim, you know that if I want I can just make you disappear. You can be wiped off the earth in a moment. We know where you live #real Trump
President Trump, we have a nuke with your name on it on a boat sailing up the Potomac and it will blow your ass up any day now so don’t fuck with us. #Kim Jong-un the Great
Kim, your stupid Asian gook. Let me break it down for yah You threaten the US you die and all the North Koreans go to hell. Is it worth it? #real Trump.
Trump, you are so stupid. You are the worst excuse for a human being ever $ Kim Jong-un the Great
Kim, you are the stupid mother fucker. I mean what’s up with that idiot haircut of yours? $real Trump
Trump I would not talk about hair, you orange haired mutant mother fucker. #Kim Jong-un the Great
Kim, it is all real baby and so are my wife’s boobs… #real Trump
Trump, let’s cut the crap and get down to business. How much will you pay us to get rid of the nukes? #kimJongun the Great
Kim, lets meet manor a mano and get it out on the table. No nukes no chems no bioweapons and no more political prisoners to start with #realTrump
Trump, we can discuss. If I can stay in power the rest is negotiable #Kim Jong un the great
Finally, the two of you are talking sense. About time #Xi the President of China
—
April 16 Why I am not a Christian Easter Thoughts
On Easter Sunday, I often think about Christianity
I don’t understand why anymore would believe such nonsense
The essential story makes no sense
An imaginary all powerful deity that no one has ever seen or heard
Except for psychotic patients or Drug users
Comes down to earth and impregnates a married woman
Who has never had sex for some reason
And her husband is okay with that
Believes her wild story
And still does not have sex
Until after the baby is born
Then there is total silence
Nothing about Jesus’s childhood
30 years later he emerges
Preaching love, peace and brotherhood
And denouncing the corrupt temple leaders
And the Jewish leaders as well
The miracles also don’t make any sense
In the real world, you can’t turn fish into bread
Can’t walk on water
Can raise the dead etc. etc.
Just does not happen
In the world, we live in
And has not happen since those ancient days
Then the last supper makes some sense
Jesus knows he is about to be betrayed
But he does not confront Judas
Does not run away
Does not encourage his disciplines
To run away with him
The whole Jesus Mary M story
Also, does not make sense
Jesus must have been married
Or he was gay
There is no doubt
Either way the story makes no sense
The crucifixion is the only part of the story I buy
Jesus was put to death because he was a rebel leader
And the Romans tolerated no dissent
To the Roman’s right to conquer and rule
The rising from the dead stories
All contradict one another
And Jesus was either walking as a normal human being
Or was a ghost
The door was rent open as if by lightening
Or not
Finally, we have been waiting over 2,000 years for his return
You would think if the story is remotely true
He would have turned up by now
Except he has
As many lunatics claim to be Jesus
in the flesh
all delusional of course
and that is what I think of Christianity
nothing but fairy tales and mass delusions
surrounding a kernel of truth
Love one again
Treat each other right
Don’t be consumed with greed
But couldn’t that message
Be made simpler
Without all the associated nonsense?
So, on this day I say
Open your minds
And discard the nonsensical elements of Christian thought
And follow the true teachings of Jesus
Even if you don’t believe in the imaginary man in the sky
—
April 18 Spring Time in Oregon
Spring has finally sprung in Oregon
Escaping from the longer winter prison
That has covered the land with snow
They say that this winter
Was a colder than normal winter
Wetter than normal
As the long drought finally ended
As nature resumed its normal spring thaw
I rejoice
Seeing all the signs of spring
Especially the sight of young beautiful women
Shedding their winter clothes
And walking about in the spring sunshine
So wonderfully alive
So, beautiful and sexy
As they sashay about
Here and there
It makes me smile
All day long
Yes, I love Spring time
Everywhere in the world
But especially in Oregon
My new found second home
—
April 19 Cats
Cats
I often wonder about Cats
What do they think of us
It seems at time
That cats think of humans
As their slaves
We exist to feed them
To comfort them
To save them from their enemies
And to worship them
Yes, cats are an alien species
Totally different from humanity
Detached, and almost evil
If we ever encounter an alien civilization
God help us if it’s a cat based civilization
We would then be engaged
In the epic mother of all wars
As cats and humans would not get along
The cats would think we were their slaves
And we would resent and fear them
And secretly worship their alien ways
April 20 Secret Agency Man
Secret agent man
Where are you going?
What do you know?
And when did you know it?
What dark secrets do you hide
In your inner soul?
Do you even have a soul anymore?
Or has it been so compromised
That there is nothing left?
But lies, within lies with lies
Do you even know the truth?
Does the truth set you free?
Or is the truth just another lie?
That you tell yourself
I’d like to know
My secret agent man
Perhaps someday you well tell me
Your deepest darkest secrets
And reveal what the government is hiding
But perhaps I can’t handle the truth
So, keep you secrets to yourself
And let them die with you
As you go to your grave
Your secrets buried deep within
Your corrupted soul
Until the end of time
Reveals all
—
April 21 COSTCO People Watching
I love my COSTCO
I love going there to shop
But most importantly
I love people watching
Looking at people as they walk by
Wondering what their stories are
And covertly checking out the beautiful girls
As they walk on by
And when they smile at me
It makes my day
Yes, I love my COSTCO
And COSTCO Loves Me back
Extracting my money
From my wallet
I go in for one simple thing
And walk out having spent 500 dollars
Yes, COSTCO has my number
And loves me too
Long Live COSTCO
—
April 22 The Dogs of War are Howling
The Dogs of War
Have been set free
Of their cage
And are out
Howling at the moon
The Dogs of War
Have been set free
To wreck what havoc
Might be
Yes, the Dogs of War
The Hell Hounds
Have bound out of their cages
Sniffed about
And smiled
At the destruction, they saw
They knew soon
They would be in their element
As the world descends into chaos
The Dogs of war
Are at foot
The chaos is upon us
The evil grows and grows
And dark noises are heard
Here and there
And the dogs of war
Smiled
They knew soon
They would be in their element
The war machine
Came to life
The plans came out of the books
The military might be unleashed
And the Dogs of war
Smiled and howled at the moon
And the rest of the world
Shuddered
At the thought of what was yet to be
Satan on the other hand
Was happy as can be
With the evil shit
That was going down
He smiled
Patted his hell hounds
And told his dogs
The war to end all wars
Armageddon is upon us my friend
Soon, mankind will know
The face of absolute evil
And they will love it
When I take over
The armies prepare
The bombers prepare
And the dogs of war
Are happy
Unleashed to do their mischief
And soon millions may die
And the pits of hell
Will open
And the judgement day
May be upon us all
Madness descends upon the land
The fog of hate envelops us all
And reason and civilization
Fall away
As the Dogs of War
And their minions
Take over the minds of man
And the end of the world
And the beginning of the end times
Come upon us all
The usual lies descend upon the world
Kim Jong un is evil personified
He must be destroyed over there
Before he can destroy us over here
The lies continue unabated
And Kim plays along
With each day unleashing another threat
With Trump and his minions
Responding in time
Saying the time for talk is over
The time for robust action is here
The machinery of war
Once unleashed
Can’t easily be stopped
There is a certain cruel logic
That demands that the war go on
And people die
And people suffer
And the US goes bankrupt
Morally and fiscally
And the evil that men do
Goes on and on and on
But the war machine must be fed
The munitions makers must be paid
As each million-dollar missile is launched
Millions more are made
And the corporations
Think of the endless profits
To be made
Every time they kill
With the war machines
But who cares about the victims
They are nothing but collateral damage
Who cares about the soldiers
Nothing but cannon fodder
Who gives a damn
About the dead
They are dead and gone
Just think about the profits
Think about the profits
Satan is happy
The dogs of war are free at last
—
April 23 Suburban Laundromat – thanks to Don Teeter for the inspiration from a FB posting
Suburban Laundromat Scenes
Suburban laundromat
Anywhere USA
I often go to a suburban laundromat
Near my suburban apartment
I can sit in my car
Listen to jazz, classical or blues
On my car’s radio
And watch my machine
Doing its suburban laundry duty
Just spinning and spinning and cleaning
Doing its thing its laundry thing
The neighborhood is anywhere USA
Strip malls, apartment houses, townhouses
A fire station, a police station
Banks, cell phone shops
Restaurants from around the world
At the parking lot’s edge
As I approach I notice
Gentlemen of the off-grid class
Sitting among their Hogs
Stoned off the semi legal weed
Smiling at me
With an I don’t give a fuck attitude
That is somewhat contagious
They tell stories
Paranoid ramblings
Containing a kernel of truth
As they watch their clothes
Like a hawk
The clothes spin and spin and spin
As the laundry machine does its laundry thing
The machines don’t care about what we humans think
They just do their duty as the man says
Across the old run down boulevard
The light rail line uses a right of way
That dates to the mid 1850’s
An old Indian game trail perhaps
That the white man turned into the first road
In these parts
People come and go
Some in cars
Some on foot
People from all over the world
Speaking languages from everywhere
But all understand English to some extent
And many understand Spanish to some extent
I feel everyone is united
Chiefly by their transience
And think back on old Latin saying
Sic transit Gloria mundi
And wonder if these are the end days
And ask the laundry machine
What does it think
The laundry machine pauses
Seems to think
And looks at me
Almost saying
WTF do you think
A laundry machine knows?
And so, I gather my items
Nod to the regulars
Who interrupt their endless paranoid arguments
Acknowledging my existence
And I stumble back
To my suburban apartment
Truly paradise on earth
—
April 24 I Want You Right Now
I still want you
More than anything else in life
I want you
I want you next to me
I want you every moment
Of every minute
Of every day
I need you in my life
I need your wisdom
I need your kindness
I need your beauty
I need your special wit
And I need your ability
To deal with this cruel world
I need you to save me
From the demons
That haunt my Soul
For you are my soul mate
The only person
Whoever completed me
And made life worth living
—
April 25 The Decline of America
You see it everywhere
The unmistakable signs
That the decline of America
Is in full swing
And we have gone past the tipping point
There is nowhere left to go
But downward
As the Empire begins to collapse
Victim of imperial overreach
Like all empires before
The DC metro on a good day
Is a broken-down remnant
Of a once proud system
The future of mass transit
Its proponents said
The interstate highway system
Is falling apart day by day
The cost of rebuilding America mounts
And our politicians are afraid
That it will costs trillions of dollars
Just to prevent the US from collapsing
Into third world irrelevance
We have the world’s most expensive military
A million dollars per missile
And yet we can’t find the money
To provide decent health care for all
Bombs, and tax cuts for the wealthy
Are the only things
That the Republicans care about
And the world looks in amazement
At the clown boy President
As he struts about
Looking more and more
Like some Banana Republic
President for life
With his family grabbing as much loot
As they can
From the federal government
Before the coming revolution
Overthrows them
When did we start this decline?
Some say 1960s started it
Others say Nixon’s to blame
Others claim that it was Carter’s fault
Or Saint Reagan’s fault
Or the other boy President GW Bush
Or Obama the fake American’s fault
Does it really matter
All I know
Is the America I knew
The can do anything country
Is alas no more
And I morn for our lost liberties
Our lost sense of purpose
Our lost sense that America
Was the last great hope of Mankind
And still I wonder
Can America be made great again?
As our President Trump proclaims
The end times approaches
Nuclear war is talked about
Another missile crisis
And instead of JFK leading the country
We have Donald John Trump
The one and only
The greatest con man
To ever get elected
And I fear the end is in sight
As America begins its decline
Will we be one country
Or will we erupt into a civil war
The right claims that the left has started it
And the left claims that the right has started it
And both sides claim that the civil war
Is inevitable
A fight for the future of our country
And so, it goes
The decline of empires
And I pray
That I may survive
The end of times
—
April 27 Life is Wonderful
This morning I woke up
Always a good thing
At age 61
I looked out my window
And saw a bright blue sky
Nice Spring time weather
Not a frown in the sky
Not a cloud to hide
The bright late April Sun
I looked over
And saw her there
As always
The nighttime anxieties fade away
And I realize once again
Everything will be okay
If she is with me
And I said to myself
What a wonderful day
—
April 28 Sandwich Choices
There are so many choices to be had
When ordering a sandwich
What kind of bread
What kind of meat or any meat
What kind of cheese or any cheese
Whether to have sprouts or not
Whether to have a pickle or not
Whether to go with a classic peanut butter
And something sandwich
I loved peanut butter sandwiches
As a kid
Peanut butter and sweat pickles were my favorite
Peanut butter and banana is good also
Peanut butter and strawberry jam
What a delightful memory
My current favorite
Is a BLT with sprouts, avocado, and kosher dill pickles?
Heirloom red tomatoes one slice per each half
Avocado one half per each half
One half pickle on each half
Bacon cooked just right – well done but not black
Sprouts and lettuce just right
Timamook Yellow smoked cheddar cheese
On each half
On Gluten Free bread
with chipotle mayo
And Dijon mustard
Cut in half
Truly a sandwich made in heaven
And bacon makes everything
Taste so damn nice
And God if you are reading this poem
You had better prepare them for me
Or Heaven will not be worth it
Does Satan serve BLT sandwiches
I wonder
Probably not
Probably you become the bacon
In his hell sandwiches
—
April 29 More Coffee Blues
One morning as I drank my fake coffee
I needed to go out and get a cup of real coffee
The fake coffee just did not do the trick
It tasted almost like the real thing
But just did not have that kick
And I needed it bad
I needed the real coffee buzz
I realized that I was a coffee addict
I tried to just drink decafe
But was boring
And almost as bad as the fake coffee
That I drank
Caffeine was bad for me
I knew it
But I craved the rush
Craved the intense buzz
Craved the hyperactivity
Kept me all day
And caused me nightmares
Sometimes for days on end
I knew I could not handle it
But like all addicts
I needed my coffee buzz
And so, I once more
Drank my drug of choice
And entered the coffee zone
As I fried my brain
With caffeine
The last legal drug
In neo-puritan America
And I smiled as I gave in
To the intoxicating smell
And flavor of my coffee
And surrender my free will
And drank my coffee
Waiting for the nightmares to come
—
April 30 Rambling Man -Where Do I Belong?
I have been a rambling man
All my adult life
Grew up in Berkeley, California
Went to College in Hayward and Oberlin
During my lost year
Lost in a fog of booze and pot
Then I came back to reality
And went to college
In Stockton, California
The central Valley
Ohio transplanted to California
Then after four years in Stockton
With extended weekends
and breaks in Berkeley
I became an expatriate wanderer
Peace Corps worker in Korea
Then taught ESL in Korea
For four years
Occasionally returning to my home
But always wanting to be elsewhere
Then back to Korea
And then Seattle for four years
Driving back and forth to the bay area
Stopping off in Southern Oregon
Eventually bought a house and duplex
In Southern Oregon
Vaguely thinking we would retire there
Some day when my rambling ways were over
Then back to Korea for three more years
Then I joined the Foreign service
And my wife the military
And I wandered the world again
Always somewhere
Always dreaming of my next somewhere
Never there
As I was a permanent expat
And a diplomat to boot
Never a local
But never really felt I belong there
Or in the America
That was becoming more and more
A foreign land
The longer I stayed away
I stayed on in DC for almost ten years
Off and on
But never really felt that I belong there
I was too West Coast in my heart
And DC seemed to be
Just a place to stay
In between travels
Stayed in Thailand
Then later India
And Eastern Caribbean
And later Spain
Traveled to 45 countries
Lived in ten
And now I am retired
Still torn between
living the expat life
In Seoul, Korea
And returning to the West Coast
And occasionally back to DC
and Florida as well
And I wonder
Where do I belong
Where do I belong
Other than wherever
My wife and I end up
Neither here nor there
Half way there
And so is that my fate
Never to really belong
Never to have roots in the ground
Always wanting to be somewhere else
Always a stranger in my native land
And a stranger in my other home
Across the sea
There is no answer to these questions
As the rambling urge comes again
And I prepare to move yet again
Hoping someday I will be
Somewhere where I can stop
These rambling blues
And really be there