I used to fear my tears and hold them back with all my might, but now I welcome them with open arms. They are likened to an oil change for the soul. My friend Chrystina sent me this text one day as I was going through my grief process of a recent relationship ending. I thought it was the perfect metaphor for the cleansing that tears bring. But, why did I hold them back for so long? What was I afraid of? Being vulnerable and weak, but I am learning that tears have many purposes. Purging negative emotions, celebrating joyful life moments and grieving the loss of loved ones.
Having to face such deep loss as a young child, I learned to block those feelings out. I used to tell my friends in school, don’t feel sorry for me because my mom died. Now I won’t have to lose her when I get older. Now I feel that loss each time I grieve and even in joyful times that I don’t get to share with her. I heard the saying once that when it rains God is crying. I felt sad hearing those words, but I know now they are just oil changes for God’s soul and the earth. My mom loved to walk in the rain, so now I smile when I see those grey clouds roll-in and every chance I get I run and dance in the rain…. 😉
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